| a few things that further indicate that i'm a miserable fuck with nothing ever happy to post |
[May. 27th, 2007|09:02 am] |
My asshole is more itchy than it's ever been right now and I can't make it stop.
I NEED to lose weight, I'm a fat pig... seriously. I'm going to die very soon if I don't.
My short term memory is fading because of the medication I'm on or because I'm not being intellectually stimulated at the moment (or a combination). Facts and names and instances don't register very well. You ever get that feeling where a thought is on the tip of your tongue or how you can't remember what you wanted to say and it's driving you crazy trying to remember? Imagine that, ALL DAY LONG. I'm not sure what to do... I've already switched medications a lot of times. I'll wait a little longer, I think, and see what happens.
Lauren and I are going through something. It's weird, not bad or breakuppy or anything like that, just... she's under a lot of stress with her job, and I'm under a lot of stress with NOTHING, so, it's complicated and headache inducing and I don't like talking about it to anyone and squirm very hard in my seat when I try to talk to my therapist about it.
And I hate summer. My body temperature stinks. I'm always too hot or cold. No in betweens. No comfortability. Nothing. Fuck.
And I've been smoking weed and drinking more lately because I'm a miserable douche and am using it as an escapey thing, I think, rather than to just do it and have a good social time with it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2007|06:33 pm] |
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i dont want to do anything for my birthday, i just want to stay home and be left alone. |
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| trying to find some new music that interests me |
[Mar. 19th, 2007|05:43 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sad | ] |
Cat Power, Tori Amos, Rilo Kiley, PJ Harvey, Sleater-Kinney, Ani Difranco, etc. SHUT UP, YOU CUNTS. STOP.
my increasing hatred for female singer-songwriters... maybe connected to my increasing hatred for females in general? Goddamn, I just want them all to be raped with dynamite. And when they're belting out their bullshit lyrics about nothing, just... WHAM... a brick to the face.
Also, The Red Hot Chili Peppers suck. And Modest Mouse suck too (after the year 2000). And Fall Out Boy and My Chemical Romance and Panic At The Disco all are absolute garbage and it HURTS me, deep, DEEP down, where that part of my adolescence, when I was fucking 16 and LOVED "EMO" music, like Saves The Day and Dashboard Confessional and Sunny Day Real Estate and Mineral and The Appleseed Cast and The Get Up Kids and Bright Eyes and Taking Back Sunday and everything else that I classified under that genre has now been RAPED AND MURDERED and has become some... awful... parody of a parody of a parody of itself, like hair metal or something. And to hear people on TV and on the radio and in magazines discuss what the word Emo means... and to hear people say "I'm EMO" when they're sad... It makes me want to choke on my vomit and die. Just this part of my youth that I loved so dearly is fucking... what it's become.
And fuck your hardcore, both the punk and the metalcore, whatever that definition refers too. It all sounds the same. OH, LOOK, ANOTHER BREAKDOWN. UGH. Not to say that there are good bands out there, but the genre is full of generic awfulness, trying to filter through this is tedious and tiring.
UGH, and TV on The Radio and Grizzly Bear STINK. and the New Pornographers and fucking !!! and The Hold Steady and The Cold War Kids. Fuck you, hipster bullshit music websites.
As I'm getting older, music is getting more and more irritating and more difficult to sort through and find stuff that I like. |
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| Are You Smarter Than A Fifth Grader? on FOX |
[Feb. 28th, 2007|09:47 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  angry | ] |
So, it's a television show... where... people are asked 5th grade and lower questions... and can earn up to a million dollars for answering said questions...
Sample questions:
How many sides are there to a trapezoid? (4th grade question)
Which country has the largest border to the United States? (2nd grade question)
What color do you get when you mix red and yellow paint? (1st grade question)
How many decades are in 2 millenia? (5th grade question, the hardest ones in the round)
The computer analyst black woman couldn't answer this last question because it was too hard. Like Who Wants To Be A Millionaire, she can choose the not answer the question and keep the money she already has. So she kept the money. She won 100,000 dollars.
America. |
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| music |
[Feb. 22nd, 2007|04:37 pm] |
music sucks. most of it.
stuff i've been listening to: Built To Spill, Lifetime, Jawbox, Murder By Death, Cephalic Carnage, Pelican.
Also, I just wrote like 2 full pages insulting EVERYONE I know and have ever known's taste in music and movies and art, but I had to stop myself from posting it because I don't want to burn ALL the bridges I own, however rickety and in need of a touch up.
So, in summation, I hate everything you like. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 17th, 2007|05:57 pm] |
So today I felt I needed to trim my pubic hair because it has gotten pretty unruly. I took some clippers that a normal barber would use for a head and set it on the 1st setting. I was doing pretty good until I got to the area where the shaft, underneath and at the bottom of my penis, meets the top of my nutsack.
I took a HUGE chunk of flesh off going down,
and now have an
open sore
on the top of my testicles, with
a
flap of skin
hanging at the bottom of the cut.
It. Hurts. So. Much.
The end. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 11th, 2007|10:37 pm] |
Lauren and I are completely too comfortable with each other... to the point where we're both sick and we blow snot rockets into each other's faces.
Ew. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 2nd, 2007|12:00 am] |
I've been awake for so long I have double vision.
New Year's was. That's all. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|11:20 pm] |
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i want to go to sleep and never ever ever wake up. ever. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|11:19 pm] |
and then she wakes up miserable and leaves.
and it's my fault somehow.
fuck. that. shit. |
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| ugh |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|08:31 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | annoyed | ] |
all i wanna do is see Borat. and spend time with my girlfriend.
I fuckin skip hanging out with my friends for her, to watch the stupid movie that i missed last week, cuz we HAD TO see Crispin fuckin Glover present his retard movie, and now she's fuckin sleepin on my bed, not getting up no matter how hard i try...
so i'm just fuckin sitting here, nothings on tv, i cant fucking see borat, i cant wake her up, i cant fuckin hang out with my friends who i havent see in 2 weeks.
ugh.
stay single. everyone. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 7th, 2006|05:56 am] |
Al dente's... gave me... food poisoning... and a fever...
WHAT... THE... FUCK?
I shall never again order from there. Ever. Mark my words. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 15th, 2006|10:08 am] |
It just hit me how awkward last night's party was. From the toilet not flushing when i used it, to LI Lauren blerting out her perversions and the whole room getting quiet, to me being obnoxious with the TV asking if there's HBO, to the distribution of food and the dog being a barking asshole, to the fact that Brian has one arm and people aren't used to that especially people like the people that were there last night, to the soda spilling on the couch and me throwing Spiro to the wolves, to when Justin's lovely-on-the-inside girlfriend walked into the room and everyone let out a collective gasp, to the fact that we were the pretty much the only people there besides family and we don't even know Justin very well, to the awkward way we had to leave and say thank you.
This was such a poorly planned event.
I'm sitting here, cringing. Jesus. I'm so glad I didn't feel that way at the time. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2006|09:47 pm] |
First off, my iPod is fucking almsot completely dead. For some reason, I can only put 11 GB on it and its not in alphabetical order... fucking... weak.
Secondly, The top 10 worst movies I've ever seen.
1. Vampires Vs. Zombies
2. Alone In The Dark
3. Snakes On A Train
4. Dracula 3000
5. Dune
6. Alien Vs. Predator
7. Battle In Heaven
8. Resident Evil: Apocalypse
9. Lost Highway
10. Hollywood Homicide
Honorabl Mention: What Women Want and The Boondock Saints.
Why didn't Uwe Boll die on September 11th? Of AIDS? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 4th, 2006|11:43 pm] |
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Fuck Steve Irvin. Fuck him for his inflated ego that has left his wife a widow and his kids fatherless. If you're gonna decide to have kids, maybe you should stop taking those risks and take care of yourself. Now those kids are just heirs to a fatherless fortune because their dad had to hog the spotlight and continue going on his wacky adventures. Coudln't he have just worked at his zoo and raised his children? Selfish, selfish man. Good riddance. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 31st, 2006|09:13 pm] |
I got a new computer... oh it's so good... I can finally download fucking porn... so exciting.
Lauren's in Florida for that stupid cunt's wedding.
I'm going to therapy again.
I want to hang out this weekend.
I'm sorry for not hanging out as much, go fuck yourselves for not understanding why.
I love my friends. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 2nd, 2006|04:48 pm] |
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It's too hot. Too. Too. Hot. My balls, asshole, and general crotch area smell so badly, that it's making me physically ill. 3 showers a day isn't sounding too bad. |
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| My life |
[Jul. 25th, 2006|05:20 pm] |
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I wake up at 8AM and kill time till around 11:15 when I can download the new Opie & Anthony show. I usually jerk off or watch a movie or listen to music or whatever. Around 9, Lauren gets online at her job, and I spend most of the morning talking to her, sending her links, making plans. I listen to O&A from around noon till 4. I usually just do nothing while I listen, sometimes surf the web, sometimes play a videogame or something, sometimes jerk off again. I'm usually trying to talk to Lauren while she's at work, although a lot of the time, she's busy. We continue making plans. Around 4:30, she usually cancels these plans because she has to work late or some other excuse. I get thuroughly disappointed, have an anxiety attack, and fall alseep. I wake up at midnight and usually jerk off, watch a movie or TV, surf the web, or listen to music. Sometimes, I'll read a few chapters of Moby-Dick. Then I fall asleep around 3:30AM and wake up at 8AM. Repeat. Fun fun fun. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 21st, 2006|09:53 am] |
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i've been hibernating for a while now, been thuroughly depressed, been stagnant, haven't been talking to my friends, been fighting with lauren non stop... i'm tired of this. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 25th, 2006|12:30 pm] |
I switched medications and am feeling better, but now, just for a change, I'm sleeping like 5 hours a night and wake up and am tired all day until around 9 o'clock when I pass out.
I haven't hung out in a while, this should change, considering Cisco and Greg are leaving soon and summer's half over and etc.
My brother-in-law's mother offered me a car, a Buick Century from 86 or 89 with over 100,000 miles on it and with no air conditioning... but it's absolutely free. To support the car, I'd need to get a job to pay insurance and gas and stuff, ASAP. I'm debating this, as I'm so so so ever lazy to go out and look for something... so I don't know. I'd have to get a job where I'd make enough money to support the ridiculously high amount of insurance I'm going to have to pay. I have a few weeks to figure things out and hopefully, I'll kind of find a motivation, something that I've lacked for over a year now.
My lack of motivation is frustrating to everyone around me... I'm so lazy, I NEED a job, I NEED to get back into school I can't stay home anymore. No one is more frustrated than I, but my depression is so dibilitating lately that I rarely think of anything other than staying home and being depressed lately.
I'm really hoping things'll be on the upswing soon. I HATE summertime, I can't stand the heat. I NEED to get back on a diet.
Lauren and I have been fighting very hard for the last month and it SUCKS. I can't seem to have one good day with her without something awful happening... I need to get shit straight with her, it'd improve my attitude and overall mental health. We had a mostly good day yesterday, but things went sour. It'd depressing and makes me doubt I can have any future with her, but I love her so much through all this bullshit, which is even more depressing. Anyone else woulda said fuck it by now, but I roll with it because I love her too much and don't have patience to ever be with anyone else ever. To do that whole courtship and dating bullshit again is absolutely the worst possible thing in my mind, I'd rather just keep trying with her. I'm really growing to HATE women, in an unhealthy, serious way which needs evaluation and change. I think things will work out between us eventually. |
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